For those looking for a quick thumbnail of the book, find the author’s Ted Talk (Kansas City). It’s 13 minutes and summarizes the book. She even uses the banana example.
Second, it takes a little while for things to sink in. There was some criticism that the advice for ‘getting over’ the hurt is too generic (‘anyway you can’). More specific advice would have to come from your therapist. A book cannot fix all the problems, but it can cause you to *think* in a different manner and then say, ‘Self, what about XZY?’
When I finished the book (finished it in a weekend), I didn’t get a lot out of it. But my therapist said, ‘Your mind will continue to work in (the problem).’ And it did finally— coming to the answer the author states very clearly in some of the last chapters: I will never receive an apology because for the people to apologize means they would have to tear asunder their belief they did the correct thing. And the belief they did the correct thing is what keeps them ‘sane’ (for lack of a better word).
I recommend this book, but don’t expect sound bites and pop psychology. You also have to work on this. Even if working on it is just letting your mind ruminate for awhile.
Finally, thank you to the author, for stating what a correct apology is. I now try to incorporate that into my life. I’m not perfect, but I try because I know how a ‘real’ apology is needed.