If you are having problems, you (the male) are probably NOT emotionally intelligent. Said another way, you need to think like a woman. If you think that there has been a feminization of America - this and the psychologists that push the principles here are probably a small causal factor. I say small, because strong men wouldn't accept this garbage. BUT, their wives are given fuel to their beliefs that it is 'the mans fault'. He talks about what works - not what should work. I am a believer that God made man and woman with different talents/attributes for a reason. This doesn't seem to be the thought of Gottman. Maybe the problem is based on his theory of 'what works'. He watches them and it appears that he has observed that where men 'get in touch with their feelings' and think like a woman, marriages are more likely to succeed. Advice to women - change your men. I am only about 2/3 of the way through the book (with my wife at the leadership of my pastor). I have reviewed the latter parts of the book - but there is no indication that the finger of change gets pointed at the woman. There are no places where the woman is admonished for being overly emotional - rather it is up to the man to 'understand and communicate' on her level.
So - if you are looking for something to go through with your wife that wil guide you to roles where you are the man and she is the woman, keep looking. This is not it.