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on July 8, 2014
My hero is Susan B. Anthony, who tirelessly spent her life advocating for women's rights. While she saw many changes during her lifetime, she did not live to see her most cherished goal: voting rights for women. Women have had the vote for less than 100 years, and despite advances, we still are not anywhere near the equality that women like Miss Anthony, Mrs. Cady Stanton and countless others worked tirelessly for. In fact, as this book points out, the drive toward equal opportunity for women has stalled out. I think this book should be required reading for men and women as early as high school. I am encouraged by its' popularity and by the discussions it has started. Women need to be vigilant and yes, help each other. History shows that power is not given away by those who have it to others who deserve it. You have to "lean in" and take it. Thank you Sheryl Sandberg for your insights and experience. Now is the time for women to finish the work of equality of the sexes that was started in Seneca Falls, NY over 150 years ago.
on August 29, 2013
Author of the book Lean In is Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer at Facebook and a former vice president at Google. In August, 2011, she was ranked by Forbes as the fifth most powerful woman in the world. Yet, this happily married, mother of two says “I still face situations that I fear are beyond my capabilities, but I know how to take a deep breath and keep my hand up. I have learned to sit at the table.”
That’s what she advises women to do in this book which she calls a “sort of feminist manifesto.” She makes a case for leaning in, for being ambitious in any pursuit. “Don’t stand back,” she admonishes, “lean in, go for it, keep your hand up, sit at the table. Take risks, choose growth, challenge yourself, and ask for a promotion (with a smile on your face, of course). Don’t wait for power to be offered , take it!”
First and foremost, according to Sandberg, “women are hindered by the barriers that exist within themselves.” We women, she says, have been influenced by gender stereotypes, introduced in childhood and reinforced throughout our lives. Therefore, we internalize negative messages such as it’s wrong for women to be outspoken and aggressive. Being firm and strong violates unwritten rules about acceptable social conduct. Instead be “pretty like Mommy and smart like Daddy.”
THE MYTH OF DOING IT ALL
Sandberg knows that women can’t do it all, although she has tried. At Google, she would lock her door and use a breast pump during conference calls.
She quotes Gloria Steinem who said it best: “You can’t do it all. No one can have two full time jobs , have perfect children, cook three meals a day, and be multi-orgasmic ‘til dawn.”
CHOOSING A HUSBAND
Sandberg says that husband “Dave and I have had our share of the bumps on our path to achieving a roughly fifty-fifty split, but I do have a husband who is a real partner.” She advises that “if you want a fifty-fifty partnership, establish that pattern at the onset.” That partnership will model behavior for the next generation.
Those men do exist. My Bob (Stapleton) took personal pride in my accomplishments, encouraged me 100 percent, and sometimes put on a pot of beans when we needed something to eat. It all started after I had spent all night stuffing envelopes on a mailing for a woman candidate. Next morning, at the breakfast table, Bob said “Sweet baby, if you’re going to spend your life in other people’s campaigns, you might as well run yourself.” With his support, I did run, and won a seat in the Oklahoma House of Representatives, where I stayed for ten years.
My Bob has been gone two years, and life is tough without him.
In conclusion, I leave you with this thought which, in my mind, summarizes the content of Sheryl Sandberg’s book: A man of quality is not threatened by a woman of equality.
That’s what she advises women to do in this book which she calls a “sort of feminist manifesto.” She makes a case for leaning in, for being ambitious in any pursuit. “Don’t stand back,” she admonishes, “lean in, go for it, keep your hand up, sit at the table. Take risks, choose growth, challenge yourself, and ask for a promotion (with a smile on your face, of course). Don’t wait for power to be offered , take it!”
First and foremost, according to Sandberg, “women are hindered by the barriers that exist within themselves.” We women, she says, have been influenced by gender stereotypes, introduced in childhood and reinforced throughout our lives. Therefore, we internalize negative messages such as it’s wrong for women to be outspoken and aggressive. Being firm and strong violates unwritten rules about acceptable social conduct. Instead be “pretty like Mommy and smart like Daddy.”
THE MYTH OF DOING IT ALL
Sandberg knows that women can’t do it all, although she has tried. At Google, she would lock her door and use a breast pump during conference calls.
She quotes Gloria Steinem who said it best: “You can’t do it all. No one can have two full time jobs , have perfect children, cook three meals a day, and be multi-orgasmic ‘til dawn.”
CHOOSING A HUSBAND
Sandberg says that husband “Dave and I have had our share of the bumps on our path to achieving a roughly fifty-fifty split, but I do have a husband who is a real partner.” She advises that “if you want a fifty-fifty partnership, establish that pattern at the onset.” That partnership will model behavior for the next generation.
Those men do exist. My Bob (Stapleton) took personal pride in my accomplishments, encouraged me 100 percent, and sometimes put on a pot of beans when we needed something to eat. It all started after I had spent all night stuffing envelopes on a mailing for a woman candidate. Next morning, at the breakfast table, Bob said “Sweet baby, if you’re going to spend your life in other people’s campaigns, you might as well run yourself.” With his support, I did run, and won a seat in the Oklahoma House of Representatives, where I stayed for ten years.
My Bob has been gone two years, and life is tough without him.
In conclusion, I leave you with this thought which, in my mind, summarizes the content of Sheryl Sandberg’s book: A man of quality is not threatened by a woman of equality.
on June 22, 2014
The gap between the potential of women coming from college and the paucity of women in leadership roles is what concerns Sheryl Sandberg as well. By this point, she has spread her message of leaning in through many forums. Sandberg has a successful TED talk that has been watched almost4.5 million times; she has a national number one bestseller with the book "Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead"; she has extended the franchise with a social network where women can form "Lean In Circles" where women can encourage each other; finally, she has put out a new expanded edition of her book branded for college graduates.
Lean In has a basic message for women - lean in! But what is leaning in? In broad strokes it is accepting that the structural limitations for success of women exist and empowering women who by giving them a blueprint for growth both inside and outside of the workplace. It is about setting boundaries and working towards a more equitable world.
There are twelve chapters, and they all speak an empowering truth that does not come across too much like a self-help book. In the introduction, Sandberg posits that we can have a more equal world, "one where women ran half of countries and companies and men ran half our homes" (Lean In 7). Chapter two speaks to the gap between college success and the amount of leaders in commerce and industry, which Sandberg inverts, saying that though there are the structural issues holding women back, there are in fact issues internal to women, in that there is a "Leadership Ambition Gap" (ibid 12). Though not included here in the book, this for me is well illustrated with one fact: "A recent McKinsey & Company study reported that internal research at Hewlett Packard found that women only applied to open positions if they felt they met 100 percent of the criteria, compared to only 60 percent for men." (Kenal) Men are not afraid to ask for a job even if they're not qualified because they think they can do the job or learn on the job. Women, conversely, opt out, since as Sandberg notes, "Most leadership positions are held by men, so women don't expect to achieve them and that becomes one of the reasons they don't." (22).
After Sandberg describes what she sees as the problem, she has some concrete advice that can be applied more generally. Chapter two, titled "Sit at the Table," encourages women to do just that. Generally, women might exclude themselves from conversation by sitting back even when they are invited to literally sit at the table (27). Charisma has an important role in leadership, and getting people to like you can be a difficult battle for anyone in the workplace. Chapter three focuses on the paradoxical nature of success for women. Studies have shown that successful men are often well liked. The converse is true for women. The more successful a woman is, people of both genders will like her less (40). This is, Sandberg posits, because there are so few women in powerful roles and their otherness makes them a source for scorn. She is hopeful though, for a time when more women have leaned in so that "If women held 50 of top jobs, it would not be possible to dislike that many people" (50). Chapter four emphasizes that there are many ways to the top by bringing a metaphor about a jungle gym to replace the common perception of a ladder. Chapter five focuses on mentorship, the importance of finding on the way up, and of being one once you are at the top. She notes the potential weakness of this because there are so many more men than women at the top, so mentorship as existing reinforces the old-boys network (71). Chapter six, "See and speak your truth exhorts women to not hold back in communication, but to be smart about it, so that "Communication works best when we combine appropriateness with authenticity, finding that sweet spot where opinions are not brutally honest but delicately honest" (78). So once you have joined your place at the table, you need to speak up.
Chapter seven, for me, is the heart of the book, mainly because I can relate to the situation. In "Don't Leave Before You Leave," Sandberg's message is simple - go full bore until you can no longer go. Take the opportunities that are presented to you and don't turn them away because of choices you might make in the future. Sandberg illustrates this well with a story of a women worried about work-life balance in the future with a child. The kicker being that the women was not even seeing anyone at the time (92). By disqualifying yourself because of these future decisions, you put yourself on the track to not have other opportunities in the future, ironically limiting your future options. Chapter eight focus on the home, making sure that your partner is a full participant at home. This has added benefits, as research shows that equality between partners leads to happier relationships (118). This is improving, since partnership is a micro-level issue that happens "one family at a time" and men of younger generations are more willing to be equitable partners (120). Chapter nine tries to break down the "Myth of Doing It All," where Sandberg recognizes that there are limits to how much one can do in the day when it comes to family, work, and personal time. She knows that you can't do everything and we should be able to accepts that "Done is better than perfect" (129) in terms of the accomplishing goals (a mantra I myself want to adopt). She tells a story of forgetting her son's green t-shirt on Saint Patrick's day to show that she herself can be fallible. The chapter closes with her definition of success: "Making the best choices we can...and accepting them" (139). The last two chapters are about naming the problem, starting a dialogue based on the recommendations in the book, and moving forward to creating a world where those fifty percent of companies and households are led by women in a more equal society. Importantly, Sandberg recognizes some of the limitations of leaning in, noting "I am fully aware that most women are not focused on changing social norms for the next generation but simply trying to get through each day" (169). Ultimately, the book is structured in a way that describes the problem, outlines solutions, and provides a way forward for people to make these changes. Thankfully, these are not those broad policy prescriptions that have no hope of being enacted, but instead they are actions most women can make so that they are not left behind.
Lean In has a basic message for women - lean in! But what is leaning in? In broad strokes it is accepting that the structural limitations for success of women exist and empowering women who by giving them a blueprint for growth both inside and outside of the workplace. It is about setting boundaries and working towards a more equitable world.
There are twelve chapters, and they all speak an empowering truth that does not come across too much like a self-help book. In the introduction, Sandberg posits that we can have a more equal world, "one where women ran half of countries and companies and men ran half our homes" (Lean In 7). Chapter two speaks to the gap between college success and the amount of leaders in commerce and industry, which Sandberg inverts, saying that though there are the structural issues holding women back, there are in fact issues internal to women, in that there is a "Leadership Ambition Gap" (ibid 12). Though not included here in the book, this for me is well illustrated with one fact: "A recent McKinsey & Company study reported that internal research at Hewlett Packard found that women only applied to open positions if they felt they met 100 percent of the criteria, compared to only 60 percent for men." (Kenal) Men are not afraid to ask for a job even if they're not qualified because they think they can do the job or learn on the job. Women, conversely, opt out, since as Sandberg notes, "Most leadership positions are held by men, so women don't expect to achieve them and that becomes one of the reasons they don't." (22).
After Sandberg describes what she sees as the problem, she has some concrete advice that can be applied more generally. Chapter two, titled "Sit at the Table," encourages women to do just that. Generally, women might exclude themselves from conversation by sitting back even when they are invited to literally sit at the table (27). Charisma has an important role in leadership, and getting people to like you can be a difficult battle for anyone in the workplace. Chapter three focuses on the paradoxical nature of success for women. Studies have shown that successful men are often well liked. The converse is true for women. The more successful a woman is, people of both genders will like her less (40). This is, Sandberg posits, because there are so few women in powerful roles and their otherness makes them a source for scorn. She is hopeful though, for a time when more women have leaned in so that "If women held 50 of top jobs, it would not be possible to dislike that many people" (50). Chapter four emphasizes that there are many ways to the top by bringing a metaphor about a jungle gym to replace the common perception of a ladder. Chapter five focuses on mentorship, the importance of finding on the way up, and of being one once you are at the top. She notes the potential weakness of this because there are so many more men than women at the top, so mentorship as existing reinforces the old-boys network (71). Chapter six, "See and speak your truth exhorts women to not hold back in communication, but to be smart about it, so that "Communication works best when we combine appropriateness with authenticity, finding that sweet spot where opinions are not brutally honest but delicately honest" (78). So once you have joined your place at the table, you need to speak up.
Chapter seven, for me, is the heart of the book, mainly because I can relate to the situation. In "Don't Leave Before You Leave," Sandberg's message is simple - go full bore until you can no longer go. Take the opportunities that are presented to you and don't turn them away because of choices you might make in the future. Sandberg illustrates this well with a story of a women worried about work-life balance in the future with a child. The kicker being that the women was not even seeing anyone at the time (92). By disqualifying yourself because of these future decisions, you put yourself on the track to not have other opportunities in the future, ironically limiting your future options. Chapter eight focus on the home, making sure that your partner is a full participant at home. This has added benefits, as research shows that equality between partners leads to happier relationships (118). This is improving, since partnership is a micro-level issue that happens "one family at a time" and men of younger generations are more willing to be equitable partners (120). Chapter nine tries to break down the "Myth of Doing It All," where Sandberg recognizes that there are limits to how much one can do in the day when it comes to family, work, and personal time. She knows that you can't do everything and we should be able to accepts that "Done is better than perfect" (129) in terms of the accomplishing goals (a mantra I myself want to adopt). She tells a story of forgetting her son's green t-shirt on Saint Patrick's day to show that she herself can be fallible. The chapter closes with her definition of success: "Making the best choices we can...and accepting them" (139). The last two chapters are about naming the problem, starting a dialogue based on the recommendations in the book, and moving forward to creating a world where those fifty percent of companies and households are led by women in a more equal society. Importantly, Sandberg recognizes some of the limitations of leaning in, noting "I am fully aware that most women are not focused on changing social norms for the next generation but simply trying to get through each day" (169). Ultimately, the book is structured in a way that describes the problem, outlines solutions, and provides a way forward for people to make these changes. Thankfully, these are not those broad policy prescriptions that have no hope of being enacted, but instead they are actions most women can make so that they are not left behind.
on October 12, 2016
Book was missing chapter 8, completely missing. I had to photocopy it from a friend.
on May 25, 2017
I first read this book at the recommendation of a female police chief at a training I attended. I wanted to be more like her (not Chief, but confident) and she had mentioned the book. This is the third time I've read it and each time I pick up something new.
This book is always part of the giveaway bag I put together on behalf of my organization for the various Women in Law Enforcement conferences I attend. I'm now planning to give a copy to my Lieutenant - and ask him to pass it forward to other command staff when he is done.
Great book for women, a greater book for men!
This book is always part of the giveaway bag I put together on behalf of my organization for the various Women in Law Enforcement conferences I attend. I'm now planning to give a copy to my Lieutenant - and ask him to pass it forward to other command staff when he is done.
Great book for women, a greater book for men!
on January 18, 2014
I received this as a gift, and took so much from the book that I wanted to gift it to all my girlfriends and male friends with daughters. I identified with so many of her examples. I was an excellent student growing up, but at work I just don't feel like I have moved up or have been treated equally. Sandberg talks about how girls were taught to be called upon in school, which does not translate into the work place-- you need to seize opportunities, which men have been taught to do better. I also learned that while there are outside variables in my work place that are not in my favor, I could do a lot more to help myself too.
I read this book while I was looking for my 2nd professional job and it was very encouraging to me. I am not a mother, but one thing I realized is that women, regardless of their stage in life and their career, often cut themselves short and doubt themselves. We don't give ourselves enough credit, and are too hard on ourselves. While the world could cut us a better break, so could we. Men DEFINITELY don't think like that! We have a lot of skills, and we need to feel confident about them.
I learned a lot of areas of where I can improve myself, have started considering different people's perspectives, and how I can help make a difference in the areas of influence around me, too. This is an absolute "must-read" for any woman, whether a stay-at-home mom or a woman in the work place. We need to look out for one another, lead as good examples for the next generation, and pass on the tools and information that we gathered during our time because there is still a long way to go in the fight for equality.
I read this book while I was looking for my 2nd professional job and it was very encouraging to me. I am not a mother, but one thing I realized is that women, regardless of their stage in life and their career, often cut themselves short and doubt themselves. We don't give ourselves enough credit, and are too hard on ourselves. While the world could cut us a better break, so could we. Men DEFINITELY don't think like that! We have a lot of skills, and we need to feel confident about them.
I learned a lot of areas of where I can improve myself, have started considering different people's perspectives, and how I can help make a difference in the areas of influence around me, too. This is an absolute "must-read" for any woman, whether a stay-at-home mom or a woman in the work place. We need to look out for one another, lead as good examples for the next generation, and pass on the tools and information that we gathered during our time because there is still a long way to go in the fight for equality.
on January 14, 2014
... I wish Sheryl would be a little more tactful about expressing her sensitivities and lack of confidence. While I think it's important for her to be able to show that she too faces self-doubt and insecurities just like the rest of the women (and men, really) out there, she loses a little merit in my eyes for constantly including self-doubting comments in her book, regardless of her gender or the reader's; it's just too squishy for the subject matter too me and just excessive for a book that I would expect to have a bit more composure, being more of a business-related book. If the message were along the lines of, "yes, I doubt myself, but when I do I do ____ to overcome it," that would be cool; however, she just leaves it at doubt and it really serves no purpose to the reader, it just causes the reader to question her emotional intelligence and wonder how she got so far pocketed in such low self-esteem. The overall content of the book, however, is spot-on, and after discussing it with my mom (who is a senior project manager for a prestigious civil engineering firm) I realized how revolutionary this concept is: my mother had never in her 35 years of working in a male-dominated industry pieced together the involuntary mindset and biases both men and women have against women in high-level positions at work. It was an interesting conversation, and I'm sure one that needs to be had with women more regularly. Love that it's happening.
I highly respect and appreciate Sheryl putting the time and thought into a book like this, and it's awesome to see the aftermath. While I don't consider myself a feminist and often don't think about gender issues until they slap me in the face, I do think it's important for everyone to at least acknowledge that they're there, and they're a reality for a lot of people. It's a great book on the topic.
I highly respect and appreciate Sheryl putting the time and thought into a book like this, and it's awesome to see the aftermath. While I don't consider myself a feminist and often don't think about gender issues until they slap me in the face, I do think it's important for everyone to at least acknowledge that they're there, and they're a reality for a lot of people. It's a great book on the topic.
on June 3, 2015
I didn't expect to like this book as much as I did. Sandberg is funny, intelligent and self-aware. She knows that she is speaking to a particular audience and while she stresses that she hopes her advice is universally applicable, she knows that some of the advice is a bit on the privileged side.
This is a great book for young women starting out in their careers. It highlights some of the pitfalls and it doesn't pretend the challenges don't exist. Sandberg gives unapologetic advice while sharing from her own experiences and those of her colleagues. Don't pre-judge the book based on the critics' reviews, good or bad. Just be open-minded and you might find some great advice.
This is a great book for young women starting out in their careers. It highlights some of the pitfalls and it doesn't pretend the challenges don't exist. Sandberg gives unapologetic advice while sharing from her own experiences and those of her colleagues. Don't pre-judge the book based on the critics' reviews, good or bad. Just be open-minded and you might find some great advice.
on December 2, 2015
This book should be read by men as well as women. Well written and very insightful. I have family where the wife works a high level, full time job and the husband manages the household and is home with the children. It works. It shameful the media continues to be the force behind questioning why women may leave the workplace. Recent news about a FOX broadcaster leaving the network to be with her family created the "Is she doing the right thing?" question. We all should be empowered to do what makes us happy and what is right for our family. At the end of the day, it's our life. Thank you Sheryl for sharing your wisdom. The sad part was reading the book after the death of her husband. She speaks about him a lot, so reading her words, knowing he is no longer with her is sad.
