Top critical review
3.0 out of 5 starsGood ideas, some missteps when discussing trauma
Reviewed in the United States on November 1, 2020
At first, I was all in on this book. I enjoyed the self-love aspect of this book and how important it is to love yourself before trying to love someone else. However, the author lost me towards the middle/end of the book when he made two distinct points.
The first point was when the author poses the idea that if you are in an abusive relationship and don’t leave, that you do not truly love yourself. While in the most absolutely basic sense, I suppose this could be true. However, I feel as though the author overlooks the myriad of barriers that prevent people from leaving abusive relationships, such as financial dependence or lack of emotional support. Perhaps these are factors he considers, but they were not included in the book.
Additionally, the author makes a point that roughly boils down to “if you have been a victim of rape/molestation/other similar trauma, and it still affects you, that is your fault because you have not forgiven your abuser.” At its most basic tenets, I suppose this could be true, but again, I feel the author overlooks the complications of dealing with trauma and the difficulties associated with recovery. It is not so easy to forgive, and it is even more difficult to forget.
Overall, I think the author’s philosophy is mostly sound, but I feel he forgets that life is complicated. It is messy, difficult, and there are more grey areas than there are black and white. His ideologies are built around a form of the human race that doesn’t exist, and won’t exist unless we all buy into what he has to say. I enjoyed it for the most part, but I think we need to consider that no philosophy on life or love is completely sound or attainable, especially not the one presented by the author.
Perhaps, for you, this book will change your life and outlook on love, but I caution those who have been victims of major trauma. Your struggles are not as simple as this book presents, and you are still a whole and complete person, regardless of how you fit into this philosophy.
