Top critical review
Like Distant Thunder
Reviewed in the United States on March 18, 2018
It all started at 6 in the morning. The night before one of my hunting buddies had bought these without noticing that they wjere sigar free. He's one of those guys always reading about the effects of food and dieting and stuff, and refused to eat them claiming they would male you gain wait. So he gave them to me. I was out in the deer woods far from any toilet, or toilet paper. If I could go back in time I would have ran my friend over on tje way, or made sure my parents had never met, because after just 5 or so of these hell bent demon possesd spawn of satan bears, I knew I should have read the comments before taking these off my friends hands. It all started with A low rumble, like distant thunder, or the mating call of a rhinasurous. I was sure it would scare away any deer with in a 5 mile radius. But it didn't stop at that. My intestines began to move inside of me like snakes after eating cherry bombs. My soul itself seemed to be working its way through my bowls. By then I knew I had to get out of that tree stand, but by then I knew it was too late. I made a break for it just as the sun began to rise. I ran like a mad man in a way that I can only describe as a pregnant, ostrich sasqatch women. I had only made it a few yards when Lucifer himself shot out of me like a potatoe tied to a ceiling fan. I crumbled to the ground as I tried to rip off my extremely expensive no-scent camouflage hunting pants, but it was too late. I stayed in that spot for what felt like hours. My life flashed before my eyes, and I relived the time I caught my first bass. I prayed to God to kick a satellite from the sky to crush me, but my cries for mercy where coverd by the explosions of Satan still coming from my body. The stuff coming out of me would have caught fire if you'd struck a match any where near it. As I sat with my tormented thoughts, I saw the biggest buck I have ever seen in my life (about a 12 or 14 point) walk slowly past my tree stand. A FLIPPEN PURFECT SHOT. I sat in a puddle of mt own defeat tryimg not to suffacate on the fumes coming from the tainted turds. After what seemed like an eternity I managed to waddle back to my brand new truck, where I had no other clothes, or anything to clean myself with. The smell of my truck and the butt stains left on my once purfect seats will forever torment my dreams. I have gone through an eternity of air fresheners and nothing has worked. When ever someone has to drive with me and they ask what happened to my truck, I tell them a really long story about how I deliverd a calf in the middle of the night.