48 of 60 people found the following review helpful
Can you say "viva la vulva"?,
This review is from: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner) (Paperback)
I was looking for a book that would help me be kinkier and hopefully teach me something about the female anatomy and the ways they experience pleasure. I read all the great reviews and praises and it seemed ideal and highly readable so I decided to give She Comes First a chance over a multitude of books on this fascinating and delicious subject. I was worried it would be one of those sex books who have a lot of words but don't say or teach us much. The reason She Comes First works is because the author Ian Kerner (a sex therapist with a PhD) makes those uncomfortable guys comfortable with the idea of cunnilingus and tells us why and how we should go down. I find his approach to this book to be refreshing because he really thinks of it as making love, and has a pleasure-oriented approach and has no problem making his points and ideas come across and comes off as a respectful well-mannered and educated gentleman and not as a sex-obsessed pig. He doesn't see women as objects and his objective with this book is basically to help men enjoy and appreciate the vulva in a different way and teach us a few things. The author genuinely seems to be of help to men and women around the world and I thank him for this.
Kerner succeeds at giving his audience the important resources and facts to know and doesn't rush in building up to the techniques and the action. He guides us through (and the 18 parts of the clitoris, that's right 18! Most of which you can't see). I suspect that even if you are a self-proclaimed expert you will learn from She Comes First and if you're a beginner this book will be of great help. Kerner talks about the clitoris as more than a love button and describes society as "Ill-cliterate". One of the best parts was the sings to recognize she is having an orgasm, often men can't tell the difference if she's a good screamer but the complete list that is given here is convincing and now I'm positive I can tell if a woman faked it with me. Some of the signs are obvious and some of them are not. There can also be times when you think she had or is about to orgasm but in reality you're scratching the surface and more time is needed. Kerner stresses a few times that the goal should be pleasure-oriented and not necessarily orgasm-oriented. A woman may not always orgasm but she will find it to be a pleasurable experience and want it more. The truth is there is a good percentage of women who can't get off simply on intercourse and oral is more pleasurable to them which is the entire premise of this work. The author stresses there are 3 parts to making love: foreplay, coreplay and moreplay, because if you're a male and you're done, chances are she's not. None of those should be overlooked, especially foreplay which unfortunately tends to be skipped by some men. There are three "acts" if you will, to She Comes First that combined make an excellent guide to oral sex and female orgasm and a fantastic read. That's probably the best part, the information is given in a manner that makes it captivating and interesting which some facts, statistics and cultural history thrown in. The book is NEVER a bore. One of my favorite parts is the following :"Hope is a fair maiden who slips through your hand. Recollection is a beautiful old woman of no use at the moment. Repetition is a beloved wife of whom one never tires of".
On a side note the only thing this book could improve upon is the diagrams of the genitals, I would have liked there be one that shows the aroused vulva as the author describes it (although he gives a fine detailed description). More diagrams, especially in different states of arousal would have been a nice touch but what's here is fine. I liked the diagrams that showed how to perform some of the techniques. They're drawn very well, obviously they're not pictures of the real thing but the depiction goes well with the overall vibe of She Comes First.
So ladies buy this book for your man, flip through it yourself and then "forget" it somewhere he will see it. Gents, you be well equipped to have this book in your possession... and read it. It's devoted entirely to her pleasure and you know she'll love it. Just remember it's about HER and not your EGO, take your time and make sure what's done really is done before you pat yourself on the back (if someone should do that it's her). The least She Comes First will do is make you realize that cunnilingus is often necessary for a female to orgasm, is pleasurable for both the male and female and give you techniques and tell you on specific areas to concentrate on. Excellent read, very recommended 5/5.
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Initial post: Feb 6, 2014, 7:30:18 PM PST
I've never faked it. (Broadcast my message to other American women: "You're wrong again!") The idea wouldn't even have entered my mind, if it hadn't been yapped about in our culture. So, to belabour the obvious, you would not have any trouble telling the difference between faked and real, as it is nonexistent.
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