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Customer Review

8 of 10 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Grotesque contender for worst creature feature made so far, August 2, 2013
This review is from: Snow Shark (DVD)
My best friend and I get together for coffee, wide-ranging conversation, supper, all topped by screening some kind of monster/sci-fi/horror movie with us providing MST3K-like comments. We prefer b/w 50's films and have favorites like THE GIANT GILA MONSTER, THE KILLER SHREWS, ALLIGATOR PEOPLE, and countless others. Occasionally we will 'discover' such gems as THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON, VOODOO WOMAN, and FROM HELL IT CAME. Naturally our goddesses are Beverly Garland and Allison Hayes. We have a Hall of Shame of films that are so bad they are NOT good. Before SNOW SHARK, contenders were ROBOT MONSTER, THE ASTOUNDING SHE-MONSTER and Ed Woods's NIGHT OF THE GHOUL. SNOW SHARK is in the running because it is badly filmed with often unintelligible dialog, crappy special effects and, apparently, no actors. The people appearing in this film must all be from the same town and friends of the director but not one of them has any acting ability. Other bad movies at least have attractive actors (ROBOT MONSTER) or endearing characters (the kittenish and pleasingly plump 'creature' in THE ASTOUNDING SHE-MONSTER). The 'actors' in SNOW SHARK consist of skanks and mouth-breathing men who appear to be strangers to soap. The premise of this movie is not really that bad but the execution is inept, ultra-cheap, and an offense to the eye. If you must watch this steaming pile, then I suggest you get completely cocktailed or otherwise messed up before you put It into the player. Don't say I didn't warn you.
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Showing 1-6 of 6 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Aug 30, 2013, 9:06:49 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Aug 30, 2013, 9:12:45 PM PDT
Dear Dave,
Remember me and my Myaskovsky symphony review? Because of your kind comments, I decided to check out your profile, and happened upon this review. It appears that at some point we are kindred spirits sharing a perverse love/hate for "B" movies (including Ed Wood). Can't say I've seen THIS turkey, but as you describe it, it looks even worse/better than the recent broadcast of "Sharknado."

I thought I'd throw a few suggestions for further viewing your way. Try "House" directed by Nobuhiko Obayashi (on Criterion). It's been quite accurately described as "an episode of Scooby-Doo directed by Mario Bava." The teenage girl heroines are so phony sweet, one just can't wait to see them get it! It's so outrageously over the top, I had to see it again immediately afterwards, just to be sure I'd really seen what I thought I'd seen.

Do you know the films of Larry Blamire? He makes intentionally campy homages to dated film genres that are truly hilarious. One of the best is the 1950's sci-fi tribute "The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra" (two scientists compete for good and evil purposes over the sharing of a meteor composed of "atmospherium.") But I also love "The Lost Skeleton Returns Again", "Trail of the Screaming Forehead" (a scientist attempts to prove that the source of human intelligence is not the brain, but the forehead, which secretes "foreheadazine"), and "Dark and Stormy Night", an "old dark house parody".

Also do you know "Icubus", the only film ever filmed in Esperanto, starring William Shatner?

Also sounds to me like you might enjoy the films of "giallo" maker Dario Argento. Some of these are quite fine, others going through formula. Try "Deep Red"--a gory murder mystery that will you guessing until the last few minutes whodunit--really fine.

Yes, most of these films (except Argento) are best watched when one is cocktailed up, but at least they're not best watched in fast forward (like the new "King Kong").

Warmest best wishes,
Dace Gisclard

In reply to an earlier post on Aug 31, 2013, 11:04:45 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Oct 8, 2013, 6:16:34 AM PDT]

Posted on Mar 30, 2014, 8:01:01 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 30, 2014, 8:01:34 PM PDT
Le Stryge says:
None, not even one of the movies you both mention even comes close to the sheer eye-gouging awfulness of one that even being in a completely inebriated state will in any way alleviate.
I refer of course to "Xanadu".
For some reason I had missed it, but after being subjected to it recently I have since had to re-evaluate my own "WORST TEN MOVIES of ALL TIME" list!
Okay so there's no monster, but there sure as hell are a lot of horrors!
About fifteen martinis before, and at least another ten during, ....followed by a dozen or so after to try to get it out of your mind!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 31, 2014, 7:02:08 AM PDT
Oh good lord! I had forgotten XANADU! Of course for sheer horror I have to nominate CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC -- Bruce Jenner Kardashian and The Village People! Yikes! And people wonder why I like to kill a bottle of wine before watching these dogs. By the way, I see that the LAND OF THE PHARAOHS soundtrack is on your wish list -- I hope that means that you enjoyed the movie as much as I did. Joan Collins! Overripe, nasally, and slithering. Made quite an impression on me when I was a mere child.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 31, 2014, 4:21:55 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 31, 2014, 5:23:37 PM PDT
Le Stryge says:
Joan in that purple make-up and bright orange lipstick? And running around shrieking "I don't want to die! I don't want to die!"
PRICELESS!!!
Never tire of watching that EPIC!!!

I now have the soundtrack, and also that of "The Egyptian". I do have quite a thing for anything at all even vaguely Nile-ish!
It is amazing to learn that for "Land of the Pharaohs", special effects man Ronald Chiniqui supervised a crew of ninety-seven Egyptian labourers, who scrubbed the western face of the REAL pyramid at Giza to make it appear new. The crew also plastered and painted framework to hide all those broken and missing stones that were lost to looters over the past centuries.
Now they'd just CGI it!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 31, 2014, 7:55:05 PM PDT
L.s.,

Eeeeek! I had forgotten about La Joan's orange lipstick!

I also have the soundtrack for THE EGYPTIAN. I saw that movie when I was around twelve on late-night tv. It affected me deeply and set me on a life-long self-education on ancient Egypt. It also set me on a course of anticlericalism that has only increased with age. Who can forget Bela Darvi as the man-eating Babylonian? The movie critic Leonard Maltin asks us to figure just how much of her dialog we can understand. I understood every thing she said in English -- what the fool Maltin didn't understand was that she was speaking 'Babylonian' to her servants!

Amazing story about the set work on LAND OF THE PHARAOHS -- I am continually struck by how imaginative the set builders were without the 'advantage' of cgi. Whatever happened to the willing suspension of disbelief when it comes to sets and special effects? And I am still in mourning over the death of Ray Harryhausen last year.

By the way, I assume you have seen Lana Turner in THE PRODIGAL. If not,you are in for an over the top treat.

D
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