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Customer Review

733 of 839 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Steve gets it partially right, March 30, 2009
This review is from: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment (Hardcover)
The central premise of Steve Harvey's book is that women are not setting stringent enough standards in their romantic dealings with men. As such, he posits, they are giving away their social power and selling themselves short on their dating/mating goals.

Steve is partially correct, but he misses the central point. It is true that women do tend to settle for less than they truly want when dating, but the damage they're doing to themselves is not ultimately a result of letting men get away with murder, so to speak. Rather, the problem originates from the fact that women are choosing the wrong men. Decent men don't look for any opportunity to take advantage of women. They don't take that mile when given the proverbial inch. The men who do are the players, chiselers and con artists, the kinds of men who may look good in the store window but fall totally apart when you get them home from the mall.

'Act Like a Lady' ultimately is a rehashing of the familiar 'men are incorrigible dogs' theory of gender. It's a tired story that I'd hope we had moved past, but here it is again in a new package. Yes, men like sex. Yes, men like to look around. But decent men are able to control their urges, especially when they know that not doing so will cause great pain to those around them. Steve's theory doesn't stand up to real life, where if you spend any time, you quickly realize that uniqueness is a defining human personality trait.

Most women do have high standards--that is, until they run into a man who knows all the right things to say to circumvent their defenses. A woman can absolutely KNOW that she's worth all the trouble, but she'll totally drop her guard when a skilled player comes along saying all the right things. He's selling something she didn't even consciously realize that she wanted, and in the end she's a sucker for it. Some guys get very good at this because they practice deception from an early age with girls. It's up to women to see these men for who they are and to look the other way when they pour on the insincere charm.

Women need to realize that the adage 'all that glitters is not gold' applies to men as well as minerals.
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Showing 1-10 of 106 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Mar 30, 2009, 8:38:53 PM PDT
W. Booker says:
Good review. I find it amazing that after all these years relationship self help books still talk about MEN or WOMEN like all men and all women are the same. As if you can lump all human kind into two types of clones and there's no variety.

Good men and womanizers act in completely different ways. The way that woman should approach different types of men should also differ depending what type of man she likes, whether he's a nice guy, a womanizer, an alpha male, etc.

Posted on Apr 7, 2009, 10:12:10 PM PDT
Ms Den Den says:
I so agree with you! It so sad that the same crap is still being pushed around.Not only do some women constantly choose the wrong men, but they have standards about things that aren't really important and don't really matter when it comes to being happy in a relationship. Ladies, really don't waste money on a book. If you keep having the same bad relationship with the same type of guy, take a timeout. Don't date for a while and most importantly, STOP LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP. Get a hobby, find things in life you enjoy (besides MEN). Focus on yourself for a while. After you have taken time to develop yourself and your interest and feel that you can handle dating, have fun. However, when you do get back to dating, (now this is the hard part), go for the complete opposite of whatever it was you were dating prior to taking your break. Complete opposite. Try something different for a while. Eventually it will happen and if it doesn't at least you are having fun and enjoying yourself.

In reply to an earlier post on May 7, 2009, 12:18:37 AM PDT
J. Evans says:
Thanks. I'm still looking for some people in the public eye to start addressing the issues between men and women as issues between heterogeneous groups of complex individuals. Instead, we get more of these kinds of books that paint men as being universally selfish, greedy and uncontrollably lascivious. Personally, I think Steve was speaking largely for himself.

Posted on May 13, 2009, 2:02:47 PM PDT
H says:
Great review I couldn't agree with you more! I really do not get why even a Man would write a book like this as if men are the real issue. 'Men like Sex" and Women Don't? Personally I think women are the problem in most cases, I am a successful guy with good moral values and I personally get the interrogation round around on dates! Where i went to school, where do I live, what type of car do I have, I do not try to lie or make myself something that I am not. But as far as women have lowered their standards I not sure I agree I think they have unrealistic standards and expectations from all the brain washing that we have in our society. Men are the ones who get the beating from media and crap books like this, why are there not many books for men on how to win in dating against the Ladies?

Posted on Dec 13, 2009, 11:30:05 AM PST
Paula L says:
I enjoyed your review.

In reply to an earlier post on Feb 25, 2010, 7:45:37 PM PST
I have to add to this post. Sometimes we attract men who remind us of our father whether consciously or unconsciously. We should set our standards high and demand respect. I do not understand why women allow men to move in with them and do not go to work or contribute anything to the relationship, nothing. This is a disease that is spreading like wild fire. lh

Posted on Feb 28, 2010, 10:00:06 AM PST
liberty tree says:
"A woman can absolutely KNOW that she's worth all the trouble, but she'll totally drop her guard when a skilled player comes along saying all the right things. He's selling something she didn't even consciously realize that she wanted, and in the end she's a sucker for it. Some guys get very good at this because they practice deception from an early age with girls. "

I'm just curious about what you said here. You literally make these men seem like a different species. Like an artist versus a computer programmer. And maybe you are right, but could you give some examples of this? Point to a television show, a movie, another book, even a clip on youtube? I would love to see an example of a skilled player, to see if this opinion holds any merit.

I just can't imagine that a woman could fall for something that is false, whether the player is skilled or not. Of course anybody can be lied to? Anyway an example would put this in perspective, thanks!

In reply to an earlier post on Feb 11, 2011, 5:10:42 AM PST
rjp203 says:
Read the book "The Game" by Neil Strauss. There are entire clubs of men that deem themselves pick-up artists (PUAs) and spend all their time learning how to literally charm the pants off women.

In reply to an earlier post on Aug 9, 2011, 7:46:31 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Aug 9, 2011, 7:47:30 PM PDT
Armando E says:
@H:
Lol, I'd suggest looking into Magic Bullets by Nick Savoy and maybe even The Game by Neil Strauss.

In reply to an earlier post on Oct 8, 2011, 10:37:59 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Oct 8, 2011, 10:42:56 AM PDT
LindaT says:
I agree.

I'm married now, but I noticed that I was more likely to meet guys when I was happily engaged in some activity having nothing to do with dating.

I don't claim to speak for others, but for me, a good relationship is a by product of living life to the full. And if the relationship doesn't happen, we can still be happy.
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