I agree that this book is not a survival handbook for victims of schoolage bullying; it is, however, an honest account of how bullying can negatively affect a person's self-perception and self-confidence well into her adult years. A person need not be permanently affected by schoolage bullying, but Jodee is being honest with her readers that it's taken her awhile to get over it (or at least learn to put it in perspective).
I appreciate that your review is written from the perspective of a survivor of bullying. I too survived schoolage bullying and can vouch that yes, this type of abuse does negatively impact your self-perception (you seem to internalize the negative attitude of your bullies against yourself) and can dog you into your adult years. But you can get over it or at least really minimize its affect on your life---maybe this isn't the book to help you get over it, but as you wrote, knowing you're not alone is a big deal and worth the price of the book in and of itself.
Jodee also remarks in so many words that it's sad that she needs/wants her former bullies' approval at her high school reunion. She is still afraid that somehow they will (within the course of an evening) sabotage her hard-won adult confidence. I think she's critiquing her own need for validation from these people, and I appreciate that she's being honest with us. She's not saying she's come so far and is so successful that she no longer cares. Quite the contrary, she's saying, "What's wrong with me that I still need these people's approval after all these years and after all that they have done to me?" That shows you how deep that treatment affected her. She didn't use authorial revisionism to show us how together she's always been (or is now) or how her "inner resources and phenomenal skills" buffered her through the worst of these experiences. No, she's vulnerable and doesn't have all the answers, and she's sharing her vulnerablity and insights with her readers. This is an open-ended account of how bullying can affect someone, not a definitive treatise or a 12-step program to eliminate bullying and any personal residue from bullying.
Kids don't have the farsightedness to understand how they can negatively impact other kids, and much of their behavior is at the unconscious level.
However, none of us needs some naysayer trying to talk us down, and that's basically what bullies do---project their own self-doubts onto "easy" targets, while throwing out the Golden Rule and convincing themselves that their victims "deserve" to be treated this way. And you are definitely right that many people who'd fall into the category of bullies by their actions would never categorize themselves as bullies and are blind in relation to themselves. I also think that people bully people whom they are jealous of (even if the jealousy is unconscious). For example, Christina Aguliera (who has the most beautiful voice of the "pop princesses") was bullied b/c the other kids were jealous of her natural talent.
Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons is a great book on this issue, and spells out systematic ways to treat and possibly prevent bullying. The author was surprised when a former classmate remembered that Rachel had bullied her (this chapter is called something like, "The Bully in the Mirror").
Schoolage bullying is a real problem and needs to be appropriately addressed and if possible, prevented through schoolwide anti-bullying policies (that are actually enforced). No one benefits from this type of behavior---not the bully (one day remorse and self-awareness may hit them), the victim, nor the bystander.