115 of 130 people found the following review helpful
This review is from: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition (Paperback)
The upside to this book is that it should get couples to discuss their issues openly. The downside is that Hendrix has his narrow philosophy about where all marriage problems come from, and then conveniently interprets every relational problem within this philosophy. Hendrix's main belief is that we are all looking for partners that will give us what we did not receive from our childhood primary caregivers. Though this may be true in certain cases, to make this the only source of issues in relationships is very simplistic. Relationships are complicated. Simple answers are seldom appropriate. However, this book will get you to think about your relationship and hopefully help you to get to the true root of your relational issues.
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Showing 1-6 of 6 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Feb 21, 2012, 8:12:54 PM PST
I think sometimes people do not want to see that the problem may have came from their past becasue then they have to admit that they are partly responsible for the failure. Its easier to think that the problem could be with the other person becasue relationships are just hard somtimes, and not themselves. This book focuses on taking responsibility.
Posted on Feb 27, 2013, 10:01:14 AM PST
I like your take on this. I think that Hendrix stumbled onto something with his theory but then the allure to turn it into a System or Product for packaging and marketing is all too strong of force to resist. So instead of a more humble, methodical exploration of Imago theory and how much of it holds water, it too quickly devolved into an instituiton creating with it the dogma that all instituitons have and a lack of flexibility in it's theory and application.
Posted on May 29, 2013, 5:51:15 AM PDT
[Deleted by Amazon on May 29, 2013, 6:11:53 AM PDT]
Posted on May 29, 2013, 5:53:04 AM PDT
Lilly Tribble says:
I looked at this book from a different perspective than most readers. I didn't read it as a person in need of relationship advice. Rather, I read it as a person who has been happily married for 22 years. My question was, how closely did the advice in this book match what I was doing successfully?
A bestseller since 1988, the book is separated into 3 sections:
-the first part talks about how unmet childhood needs can affect your future relationships.
-the second part talks about a marriage that can fulfil your unmet childhood needs in constructive ways.
-lastly, part three is the exercises. Here you'll be taken through a series of exercises that you can do at home that have been actually used in the author's practice. They're easy to do and involve writing.
Well, that's a rough synopsis that should give you a little bit of a feel as to how the book is set up- and what its about.
So how closely did the advice in this book match what I have been doing all this time to create a successful 22-year marriage? Perfectly- both the book and I promote the idea that you have to work at your marriage to make it work!
And perhaps that's the best piece of advice of all: find constructive ways to make you marriage better- and that's one thing this book most certainly succeeds at. Other self-help books I liked include Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World.
Posted on Feb 17, 2014, 7:41:40 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Feb 17, 2014, 7:42:55 AM PST
"his narrow philosophy about where ALL marriage problems come from, and then conveniently interprets EVERY relational problem within this philosophy."
"to make this the ONLY source of issues in relationships is very simplistic"
Nice Strawman. By all means, quote us the line and page in the book where Hendrix says anything close to this.
Posted on Jul 1, 2014, 2:30:16 PM PDT
My best friend, to whom I was married for over 30 years, is wild about this book. I am trying to read it....but it is so filled with IMO simplistic jargon...and my degree in psych is not helping. I will actually zip through it just to be able to be a loving friend. And who knows, maybe it will help me in my new relationships. Just my opinion. BTW, we do not see the morphing of this marriage as 'failure.' But that took a while. And yeah I do tend to think we carry our childhood wounds with us. It's just the language...ewwwww
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