7 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Great information, though TOO LONG !,
This review is from: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex (Paperback)
I like this book a lot and I think every couple in the world should read it. It can potentially prevent a lot of arguments and screwed-up relationships, and it has all sorts of information that you never knew about the other gender, but then it all makes sense when you find out. I realized that I had done a lot of these things that really irritate the other gender, all the while thinking that I was "right" and being helpful.
One of the best aspects of this book is its explanation of men's emotional needs. We are socialized to believe that men don't have intense feelings and needs, that women are the emotional ones. But in fact men are just as emotional, perhaps moreso. They are raw *all the time* and actually quite fragile when it comes to comments that their partners make. You can NEVER criticize a man - not for anything. Even an offhand remark contributes to destroying him inside and killing his desire to please you. (They have an intense, instinctive need and drive to make you happy.) If you need to change a man's behavior, you can only do so using positive reinforcement. You must simply ignore "bad" behavior, politely encourage "good" behavior, and reinforce it with praise-type rewards. Men automatically adjust their behaviors to duplicate whatever yields a positive response from you. So they are actually very easy to train, but women constantly criticize and discourage them (for some reason, it is their first instinct to acknowledge *only* bad behavior), causing men frustration until they completely give up trying.
Women also have a strong maternal instinct, which they act on by (inadvertently) questioning/doubting men about trifles. This ties in to each gender's needs; What men need most is not "love" or "caring" as it means to women, but faith and trust. You have to build them up and show that you have confidence in their ability to do things. This is what "love" means to a man.
The only complaint I have is that his writing style is redundant. He could abridge it to include the main points and make a handbook that would be practical for everyday situations. Still highly recommended.