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234 of 265 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Really good, but needs to clarify his definition of "Marriag, May 2, 2002
This review is from: Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide (Paperback)
This is an exceptional book of its kind -- I usually loathe so called "Self-Help" books, but I find the author's "Imago" theory -- based on the belief that we subconciously seek out partners that resemble our parents because they trigger childhood wounds and/or parts of ourselves we have disowned, and the reason for this is that our subconcious has a deep yearning for those wounds to be healed, and for us to reclaim our shadow parts and become whole again. Is that long-winded enough ??? There's no magic answers here, but reading this book you may begin to understand why you repeat the same destructive behaviors in relationships, and begin to realize that far from being something that's beyond your control, it is in fact patterns that your subconcious is deliberately recreating, and will in fact continue to do so until you conciously decide to heal.
However, I find his assertion that complete healing is only possible within the context of a committed marriage to be a complete fallacy, and I base this assertion on experience, on individuals I know who have made incredible healing breakthroughs as single people. Yes, the guarantee of a committed lifelong partner and a commitment to each other's healing creates a stable and permanent environment for healing and growth to happen, but such healing and growth is possible outside the context of a marriage. It may involve more work and more commitment on the part of the individual, but believe me, its possible.
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Showing 1-3 of 3 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Dec 30, 2008, 12:11:28 AM PST
Jillydoc says:
Actually, Dr. Hendrix has heard this complaint. Remember this was written in 1992. I'm listening to his Getting the Love You Want 25th Anniversary edition and he does note that his earlier editions did not address same sex couples, or committed relationships. He also mentions using the pronoun him as well as the adjective spouse or spouses which obviously do not always apply. I'm also happy to hear that he is being much more inclusive of Helen's participation. I am certain you will be as happy as I am to know that the author has owned his mistakes and embraced his own learning and growth and this is reflected in his newer editions.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 12, 2009, 10:17:07 PM PDT
I'd just like to tag on that it's true one doesn't need to be "married" however, I do feel it is impossible to complete the process without a significant relational partner. One can feel as though they have completed the work.....yet the only way to grow in this portion of the process is to pull each other through...feeling the horror of risk, at that much deeper level... then the growth happens.

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 1, 2009, 6:32:11 PM PDT
Solo4Now says:
I am a 41 year old never-married woman. I have learned there is no horror of risk, so does that mean I'm ready for marriage??? :)
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